Do you still have your period?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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