We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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