just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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