Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
