So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
