I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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