She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we're so committed to being not committed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
