I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
