I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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