nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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