Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
