I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
