I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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