He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
