Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
