so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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