i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
