Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize