I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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