his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
