Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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