those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
