DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
