I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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