You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
