then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
