just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
