i think my tv is drunk
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
