I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
