thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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