My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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