you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
