idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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