why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
