just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude. I can hear the air.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
