Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
