I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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