I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
