I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
