I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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