My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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