Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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