I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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