I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
