we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
