so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
