So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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