tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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