I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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