I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
