he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
