the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
