Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
