and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
