Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
