toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
