MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize