Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
