That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
