so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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