It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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