Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
