My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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