I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
