you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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