Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
