True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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