I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
