he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
